Sunday, January 31, 2010

Savong’s older brother, Savet, passed away yesterday – the day of our party...

At about 8pm last night Savong took me aside and told me he had to leave soon – I immediately asked him how his brother was (I knew he was gravely ill with cancer, at the age of 34). Savong told me that Savet passed away at his parents’ house at 2pm, while we were receiving the blessings from the monks...
I asked Savong why he went ahead with the party and how could he mask his loss all night – he simply replied that he was “happy on the outside and sad on the inside”... Buddhism’s approach to life and death is unique – we’re living our current life based on our past lives and the lessons we still need to learn – karma. Savet’s life was his learning and his passing-on was part of the cycle of reincarnation that is central to Buddhism.

Savong slipped away after 9 and it was only after 10 that some of us noticed he left... Our beautiful party was tinged with sadness...

On Friday morning Savong rang me and invited us to his parents’ house to pay our respects. We quickly did our homework and found out that we could wear black or white and should bring with us some cans of soft drinks and money for a collection.

On arrival, Savong met us warmly and we could see that the bereavement process in Buddhism was nothing like the one we know in Judaism or Christianity... There were kids running around, everyone was not up-beat, but certainly not wallowing in sorrow... A marquee was set-up in the street in front of the house and the music was blaring, telling all around that there was a death in this house... All visitors deposited some money at the entrance, to cover the cost of the food, which was being prepared at the back of the house... There were 2 huge bowls of soup and vegetables on the boil and all guests were offered rice and meat and soup and vegetables... And the soft drinks all guests brought along... The marquee was to host all the visitors partaking in the food being offered by the family...


Savong's uncle announcing the guests and Savong's mother on the right - the marquee in the background


We paid our respects by lighting incense in-front of the coffin containing Savet’s body, which was simply placed in the living area of the house – not hidden in some other room or some other premises... A group of nuns and monks were about to have some food and Savong’s father asked that they bless us... Like I said, nothing like any funeral we have been to...


Lighting incense as a sign of respect at Savong's parents' house

Savong took this photo - Savet's casket is right beneath the camera, in the center of the house

With the nuns and monks at Savong's parents' house - that's Savong's father behind Michelle

Savet at the orphange when we visited in August last year...


We spent a couple of hours at Savong’s parents’ home, speaking with Savong and his siblings. We learnt that Savong’s brothers have shaved their heads as a sign of bereavement and that one of them will live as a monk in the Pagoda for the next week. Savet’s body will be cremated at the Pagoda tomorrow and the family will continue to receive visitors for another 2 days after that.

All-in-all, it was a sombre, but not depressing, process – much like accepting life as it’s meant to be, not wishing for something that isn’t...

It was a sad note on which to end our trip, but also an uplifting one – our Cambodian brothers and sisters, who have so little, truly have so much... Our western society is so focused on possessions (houses, cars, clothes...) that we are often devoid of spirit – the spirit that the Khmer take for granted as they journey through their lives...




In our final blog in the coming days we’ll say some thank you’s’ and list some useful links...

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